My Relationships do not Define Me

This topic today, this is the thing I struggle most with. Let’s just go ahead an dive in, shall we? The third blog post in a series of 4 of me telling you the things I let define me. And no it is not a good thing! As much weight as I put into my thoughts and what I feel about myself, I put even more weight into what my relationships say about me.

All the insecurities I have inside myself I justify to compensate with how much I can get someone else to love me. It’s like I have this subconscious desire to have other people

love me so that I don’t have to figure out how to love myself. Let me
just tell you, this is a trap. It doesn’t work that way! You can in no way put
that weight onto someone else. An ex-

friend once told me “you can’t expect me to love the parts of you even you can’t love yourself. You can’t put that kind of pressure on me- that’s between you and God”.

That’s why we are ex-friends. Because at that point in life I couldn’t grasp what it meant to love myself before I let others love me. Now, let me clarify, that though I cannot place that expectation on someone else, that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t place people in our lives to love us through a season where we can’t do life on our own. Sometimes, we need someone to love us through our hurt and identity crises to show us an example of Christ’s perfect love for us. Just don’t stay there. It is so easy to get wrapped up in relationships, whether with friends of the same sex or significant others, or family relationships. It is easy to try to please them and serve them instead of aiming to please and serve the One who created us. I struggle with this daily. It’s easier right? To win the love of someone where you can see the physical ramifications of that affection? If I make dinner for my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife the look of joy on their face and pleasure at tasting this meal will be worth the work. The coffee date I have with my best friend will show her/him I value time with them. The vacation I spend with my family will show them they are top priority.

But what happens when those reactions don’t come? Or a situation doesn’t meet our expectations. We are bitterly disappointed, aren’t we? Is it fair to place those we love on a pedestal? Such that when they fail to meet our desires we blame them? No, it is not fair. For our value, though it can be appreciated by those we love, cannot be defined by those we love. Only God can define our worth. What does that mean? Well, there will be a post tomorrow for that. But just know friends, that if you are struggling to find value in your life and you look to those around you to satisfy it, instead of being bitterly disappointed when they don’t, realize they are human too and show them some grace. Then redirect your focus to something greater. Remember that you are beautiful. You are talented. You are worthy. Don’t let anyone steal that from you. Don’t try to steal that from yourself. Believe that you have greatness living inside of you- you must only let it out.

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